Well, I have my first minor set-back. My foot hurt for a month before I called the doctor. Finally I went in and we both thought it was going to be a stress fracture.
My options were to treat as a stress fracture or spend the money on a bone scan to be sure. After explaing to the doctor that I chose him because he is a sports doc and I am training for a tri - he said to do the bone scan.
No fracture. That's the good news. It is apparently some sort of tendosynvitis. A tendon on the top of my foot is not happy. I start PT today. I can still swim and ride so I'm not completely grounded. 3 weeks in a boot and PT...could be worse.
I should have known better. I bought New Balance shoes. Good shoes? yes. But not good for me and the way I run. I could have gone to the running store and had them fit me again. I did that once and I compared my shoes the other day. The ones they recommended have so much more stability on the in step.
I could have gone there. I really should have. I'm mad that I didn't. The money I'm spending because I didn't would have paid for two pair of shoes...at least. Sigh.
I can't should-woulda-coulda myself forever. I just know that before I get back on the treadmill I will be shopping at my local running store.
15 December 2009
02 December 2009
The Bermuda Triangle
Unfit. Overweight. Emotional.
My goal from the beginning of this has been and still is: fitness. I am hoping and expecting that along the way there will be some weight loss. People ask me what diet I am 'doing'. I'm not on a diet. I'm just trying to make better choices MOST of the time. I know what I should eat...I don't need a specified or fad diet to tell me what is right.
I've been on diets. I've lost weight and lost lots of it. That was my soul purpose for exercising and dieting. Just losing weight - that is all that I cared about. But, the weight that I have lost has always come back. That number has to be 200 pounds by now. The same pounds gained and lost at different points in my life - always vowing this would be the last time.
This time - I am not exercising to lose weight, though that is important to me. I'm exercising to be fit, to be able to finish triathlons, to be able to run from a burning building if I have to, to live long, to avoid the adult-onset diabetes that plagues my family, to avoid the high blood pressure that is rampant in my family, to keep my mostly dormant Sarcoidosis at bay, to keep from getting a knee replacement, to be able to walk into a room with my head up and not be self-conscious if people look my direction, to gain confidence in who I am and what I do, to be able to run a 5K with both my kids at the kidney walk in support of Jessica, to be able to walk around Australia, go hiking in Alaska, biking in Italy...etc.
I'm making progress in the fitness area. For sure.
The scale isn't moving much.
I watch Biggest Loser and this season has touched me in a different way than just cheering for my favorite contestant.
The emotional part - I did not really expect. I know I am emotional eater. I know you have to 'deal' with things to make that stop. But HOW? How do your reconcile all the pure crap that has gotten me here? There are things that have happened in my life that I just do not talk about. I never thought it mattered. It just was. That was my life. And is my life. But it does matter. Who knew that the Biggest Loser show would force me to look at some issues and let them come to the surface?
On BL the contestants lost weight and then found out the issues were still there when they got home. They lived at the ranch and did nothing but worry about losing weight. They went back to real life and found some issues still existed.
I've always stuffed my emotions and used food to keep them stuffed. There's been so much I am not sure how to begin to 'deal' with it. And what does 'deal with it' really mean? Acknowledge it? Express the hurt and anger and abuse I have endured? Can I do that? Do I have to? Where? How? To whom?
I've always been the 'rock', the 'strong' one, the 'independent' one. Go me. The result of all that is emotional eating, crying alone, avoidance, and isolation.
I deserve better and I deserve more. We all do. I've not been good to myself throughout my life. Now I am. And it's okay. More than okay. The world did not stop spinning because I've had to bow out of invitations to do what I need to do for me. I cannot worry about people being upset if I go to bed early instead of socializing. That is not my problem. I'm not saying I don't care about people. I do. A lot. But I need to care about me too.
Sometimes I joke that I should write a book. I already have a title: I am an Island Because I am a Rock.
I don't want to be stuck in the Bermuda Triangle. I'm not stuck. I'm changing that. I.have.to. Me. I'm in control. But I need to learn to rely on other people. There's nothing wrong with asking for help. There's nothing wrong with needing a support system. There's nothing wrong with me taking care of me. There's nothing wrong with me enjoying things I like to do. There's nothing wrong with me investing some time and money into me. I deserve it. I need it.
Senator Alan Simpson once publicly declared: “An attack unanswered is an attack believed. Let people know who you are and what you stand for.”
The abuse, the hurt, the anger - 'attacks' that I never acknowledged. I didn't answer - I did believe the crap that was spewed from someone who claimed to love me. I'm answering now. I want people to know who I am and what I stand for. The time is now.
My goal from the beginning of this has been and still is: fitness. I am hoping and expecting that along the way there will be some weight loss. People ask me what diet I am 'doing'. I'm not on a diet. I'm just trying to make better choices MOST of the time. I know what I should eat...I don't need a specified or fad diet to tell me what is right.
I've been on diets. I've lost weight and lost lots of it. That was my soul purpose for exercising and dieting. Just losing weight - that is all that I cared about. But, the weight that I have lost has always come back. That number has to be 200 pounds by now. The same pounds gained and lost at different points in my life - always vowing this would be the last time.
This time - I am not exercising to lose weight, though that is important to me. I'm exercising to be fit, to be able to finish triathlons, to be able to run from a burning building if I have to, to live long, to avoid the adult-onset diabetes that plagues my family, to avoid the high blood pressure that is rampant in my family, to keep my mostly dormant Sarcoidosis at bay, to keep from getting a knee replacement, to be able to walk into a room with my head up and not be self-conscious if people look my direction, to gain confidence in who I am and what I do, to be able to run a 5K with both my kids at the kidney walk in support of Jessica, to be able to walk around Australia, go hiking in Alaska, biking in Italy...etc.
I'm making progress in the fitness area. For sure.
The scale isn't moving much.
I watch Biggest Loser and this season has touched me in a different way than just cheering for my favorite contestant.
The emotional part - I did not really expect. I know I am emotional eater. I know you have to 'deal' with things to make that stop. But HOW? How do your reconcile all the pure crap that has gotten me here? There are things that have happened in my life that I just do not talk about. I never thought it mattered. It just was. That was my life. And is my life. But it does matter. Who knew that the Biggest Loser show would force me to look at some issues and let them come to the surface?
On BL the contestants lost weight and then found out the issues were still there when they got home. They lived at the ranch and did nothing but worry about losing weight. They went back to real life and found some issues still existed.
I've always stuffed my emotions and used food to keep them stuffed. There's been so much I am not sure how to begin to 'deal' with it. And what does 'deal with it' really mean? Acknowledge it? Express the hurt and anger and abuse I have endured? Can I do that? Do I have to? Where? How? To whom?
I've always been the 'rock', the 'strong' one, the 'independent' one. Go me. The result of all that is emotional eating, crying alone, avoidance, and isolation.
I deserve better and I deserve more. We all do. I've not been good to myself throughout my life. Now I am. And it's okay. More than okay. The world did not stop spinning because I've had to bow out of invitations to do what I need to do for me. I cannot worry about people being upset if I go to bed early instead of socializing. That is not my problem. I'm not saying I don't care about people. I do. A lot. But I need to care about me too.
Sometimes I joke that I should write a book. I already have a title: I am an Island Because I am a Rock.
I don't want to be stuck in the Bermuda Triangle. I'm not stuck. I'm changing that. I.have.to. Me. I'm in control. But I need to learn to rely on other people. There's nothing wrong with asking for help. There's nothing wrong with needing a support system. There's nothing wrong with me taking care of me. There's nothing wrong with me enjoying things I like to do. There's nothing wrong with me investing some time and money into me. I deserve it. I need it.
Senator Alan Simpson once publicly declared: “An attack unanswered is an attack believed. Let people know who you are and what you stand for.”
The abuse, the hurt, the anger - 'attacks' that I never acknowledged. I didn't answer - I did believe the crap that was spewed from someone who claimed to love me. I'm answering now. I want people to know who I am and what I stand for. The time is now.
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